The Rocky Horror Show

Script by Richard O’Brien

PROLOGUE

MAGENTA (As Usherette): Michael Rennie was ill
The day the earth stood still
But he told us where we stand
And flash gordon was there
In silver underwear
Claude rains was the invisible man
Then something went wrong
For Fay Wray and king kong
They got caught in a celluloid jam
Then at a deadly pace
It came from outer space
And this is how the message ran.

CHORUS: Science fiction – double feature
(Phantoms do the Oohhs etc.)
Dr X will build a creature
See Androids fighting Brad and Janet
Anne Francis stars in forbidden planet
Oh – at the late night double feature
Picture show

I knew Leo G. Carrol
was over a barrel
When tarrantula took to the hills
And I got really hot
When I saw Jeanette Scott
Fight a triffed that spits poison and kills
Dana Andrews said prunes
Gave him the ruhnes
And passing them
used lots of skills
But when worlds collide
Said George Pal to his bride
I’m going to give you some terrible thrills
Like a -

(Chorus)

SCENE ONE

Wedding bells are ringing – (Phantom voices)
Brad and Janet are both breathless.

JANET: Oh Brad, wasn’t it wonderful – didn’t Betty look radiantly beautiful – I can’t believe it – just an hour ago she was plain Betty Munroe and now she’s Mrs. Ralf Hapshatt.
BRAD: Yes, Janet – Ralf’s a lucky guy.
JANET: Yes.
BRAD: Everyone knows Betty’s a wonderful little cook.
JANET: Yes.
BRAD: And Ralf himself will be in line for promotion in a year or two.
JANET: Yes.
BRAD: Hey, Janet, I’ve got something to say
I really loved the skillful way
You beat the other girls to the bride’s bouquet

(Phantoms)
The river was deep but I swam it. (Janet)
The future is ours so let’s plan it. (Janet)
So please don’t tell me to can it. (Janet)
I’ve one thing to say and that’s …
Damn it – Janet – I love you.

(Phantoms)
The road was long but I ran it. (Janet)
There’s a fire in my heart and you fan it. (Janet)
If there’s one fool for you then I am it. (Janet)
I’ve one thing to say and that’s …
Damn it – Janet – I love you.

Here’s a ring to prove I’m no joker
(Bell voices)
There’s three ways that love can grow
That’s good – bad – or mediocre
Janet – (Janet echoed B. backing voices) I love you so.

(Phantoms)
JANET: Oh it’s nicer than Betty Munroe had. (Oh Brad)
Now we’re engaged and I’m so glad. (Oh Brad)
That you’ve met Mom and you know
Dad. (Oh Brad)
I’ve one thing to say and that’s ….
Brad – I’m mad – for you too.
Oh Brad.

BRAD: Oh damn it.
JANET: I’m mad.
BRAD: Oh Janet.
JANET: For you.

(Phantoms)
BRAD: I love you too – there’s one thing left to do and that’s….
Go see the man who began it (Janet)
When we met in his science exam it (Janet)
Made me give you the eye and then panic (Janet)
Now I’ve one thing to say and that’s ….
Damn it – Janet – I love you.
Damn it Janet.

JANET: Oh Brad I’m mad.
BRAD: Damn it Janet.
BOTH: I love you.

NARRATOR: I would like – if I may – to take you on a strange journey.  It seemed a farily ordinary night When Brad Majors, and his fiance’ Janet Weiss … (two young ordinary healthy kids) … left Denton that late November evening to visit a Dr. Evrett Scott ex tutor and now friend to both of them …  It’s true there were dark storm clouds, heavy – black and pendulous – toward which they were driving, it’s true also that the spare tyre they were carrying was badly in need of some air – but they being normal kids and on a night out – well – they were not going to let a storm spoil the events of their evening.

On a night out … It was a night out they were to remember for a very – long – time.

SCENE TWO

Sound of a car radio. A car approaching through a stormy night. Car stopps. Click radio off.
BRAD: Hmmm…
JANET: What’s the matter, Brad darling?
BRAD: I think we took the wrong fork a few miles back there. We’d better go on ahead up the road and see if we can find our way back.
(They move off)
BLOWOUT
BRAD: Oh darn! Janet.
JANET: What was that bang?
BRAD: We seem to have a blow-out in the front off-side tyre.
JANET: Oh… (pause)
(LIGHTNING)
BRAD: You’d better stay here and keep warm while I go for help.
JANET: But where will you go? We’re in the middle of,nowhere.
BRAD: Didn’t we pass a castle back down the road a few miles? Maybe they have a telephone I might use.
JANET: I’m coming with you.
BRAD: There’s no point in both of use getting wet.
JANET: I’m coming with you. Besides, darling, the owner of the phone may be a beautiful woman, and you may never come back.
BRAD: Ha Ha Ha.
(Phantoms take up the laughter – They exit)

(MUSIC)
JANET: In the velvet darkness
of the blackest night
burning bright – there’s a guiding star
no matter what or who you are.

BRAD & JANET: There’s a light
ALL: Over at the Frankenstein place
BRAD & JANET: There’s a light
ALL: Burning in the fireplace
JANET: There’s a light… Light in the darkness of everybody’s life.

BRAD: I can see the flag fly
I can see the rain
Just the same – there has got to be
Something better here – for you and me

BRAD & JANET: There’s a light
ALL: Burning in the fireplace
BRAD: There’s a light… Light in the darkness of everybody’s life.

RIFF RAFF: (from doorway)
The darkness must flow
Down the river of nights dreaming
Flow morphia slow let the sun and light
Come streaming into my life

ALL: Into my life
JANET & BRAD: There’s a light
ALL: Over at the Frankenstein Place
JANET & BRAD: There’s a light
ALL: Burning in the fireplace
There’s a light – light
JANET & BRAD: In the darkness of everybody’s life.

JANET: (screams)
BRAD: It’s all right, Janet.
JANET: Oh Brad let’s go back. I’m cold and I’m frightened.
BRAD: Just a moment, Janet, they may have a telephone.
(He rings the bell … No answer … RINGS again … At last the door opens)
RIFF RAFF: (Looking past them as if for others, or someone else) Hello.
BRAD: Oh: Uh: Ahh: Hi there, we’re in a bit of a spot, I wonder could you help us – our car is broken down about 2 miles back – do you have a telephone we might use…
RIFF RAFF: (pause) You’re wet.
JANET: Yes – the rain has been very heavy.
BRAD: Yes.
RIFF RAFF: Yes – (lightning) I think you better both come inside.
JANET: You’re too kind.
————————–
NARRATOR: And so – after braving the inclement weather, and some not too little time – it seemed that fortune had smiled on Brad and Janet and that they had found the assistance that their plight required – or had they ? – There was certainly something about this house (to which, a flat tyre and a wet night had brought them) that made the both of them feel apprehensive and uneasy – But, if they were to reach their destination that night, they would have to ignore such feelings and take advantage of whatever help was offered.

——————-

SCENE THREE

Interior dimly lit.

RIFF RAFF: Wait here.
JANET: (looking around) Oh Brad what sort of a place is this I’m frightened.
BRAD: It’s probably some sort of hunting lodge for rich weirdos – but you’re shivering.
JANET: Yes I’m wet.
BRAD: Look feel this – there’s hot air coming from this grill in the wall – take your raincoat and dry it here. I’ll keep a look out for the undertaker.
JANET: Oh!
BRAD: For God’s sake keep a grip on yourself Janet. I’m here – there’s nothing to worry about. (She smiles) Here dry my coat too.
JANET: O.K.

(We are aware of FRANK looking at JANET – lights COME UP. BRAD and JANET whirl around see FRANK. Freeze)

JANET: Oh!
BRAD: It’s alright, Janet.

(RIFF RAFF appears with COLUMBIA and MAGENTA)

RIFF RAFF, COLUMBIA, MAGENTA: Master.

FRANK: How do you do
I see you’ve met my faithful handyman
He’s a little brought down
Because when you knocked
He thought you were the candyman
Don’t get strung out by the way that I look
Don’t judge a book by its cover
I’m not much of a man
By the light of day
But by night I’m one hell of a lover

I’m just a sweet Transvestite
From Transexual
Transalvania.

Let me show you around, maybe play you a sound
You look like you’re both pretty groovie
Or if you want something visual that’s not too
abysmal
We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.

BRAD: I’m glad we caught you at home
Ah – could we use your phone
We’re both in a bit of a hurry
We’ll just say where we are
Then go back to the car,
We don’t want to be any worry.

FRANK: You got caught with a flat
Well how about that
Well babie’s don’t you panic
By the light of the night
It’ll all seem alright
I’ll get you a satanic mechanic.

I’m just a sweet Transvestite
From Transexual
Transalvania.

Why don’tcha stay for the night (Servants – “night”)
Or maybe a bite (Servants – “bite”)
I could show you my favourite obsession
I’ve been making a man
With blond hair and a tan
and he’s good for relieving my tension.

I’m just a sweet Transvestite
From Transexual
Transalvania.

I’m just a sweet Transvestite
From Transexual
Transalvania.

So come up to the lab
and see what’s on the slab
I see you shiver with anticipation
But maybe the rain
Is really to blame
So I’ll remove the cause but not the symptom

(FRANK exits. The SERVANTS undress JANET and BRAD. They are reduced to 50′s underwear)

BRAD: (aside to JANET) It’s all right, Janet, everything’s gonna be all right we’ll just play along for now – and we’ll pull out the aces when the time is right.
JANET: This is no time for card tricks, Brad, are you sure we’ll be alright?
BRAD: I’m sure, Janet. (to COLUMBIA, MAGENTA and RIFF RAFF) Uh. Hi, there – I’m Brad Majors, this is Janet Weiss – my fiance’e ‘e – You are…
COLUMBIA: You’re very lucky to be invited up to Frank’s laboratory, a lot of people would give their right arm for the privilege.
BRAD: People like you maybe.
COLUMBIA: I’ve seen it.
JANET: Is he… is Frank… your husband?
RIFF RAFF: The master is not yet married, nor do I think ever will be – we are simply his servants.
JANET: Then he’s very lucky.
MAGENTA: Yeah – you’re lucky – I’m lucky – he’s lucky we’re all lucky…
COLUMBIA: All except Eddie.
RIFF RAFF & MAGENTA: SSHHH!!!
JANET: Eddie?
RIFF RAFF: SSHHH!!!
MAGENTA: The delivery boy.
COLUMBIA: His delivery wasn’t good enough.
RIFF RAFF: The master only wanted to help the boy better his position.
BRAD: That’s very commendable…
RIFF RAFF: Yes, it seems like only yesterday since he went…
JANET: Where?
RIFF RAFF: To pieces.

(MAGENTA, COLUMBIA and RIFF RAFF sing)

RIFF RAFF: It’s astounding – Time is fleeting
Madness takes its toll
But listen closely – not for very much longer
I’ve got to keep control.
I remember doing the time warp
Drinking those moments when
The Blackness would hit me – The void would be calling

ALL: Let’s do the Time Warp again (twice)
CHORUS, NARRATOR (MR. BASSMAN): It’s just a jump to the left
ALL: And then a step to the right
NARRATOR: With your hands on your hips
ALL: You bring your knees in tight
TRIO: But it’s the pelvic thrust
That starts to drive you insane
ALL: Let’s do the time warp again (twice)

MAGENTA: It’s so dreamy – oh Fantasy Free Me
So you can’t see me – no not at all
In another dimension – with voyeuristic intention
Well secluded – I’ll see all
With a bit of a mind flip – you’re there in the time slip
Nothing can ever be the same
You’re spaced out on sensation
Like you’re under sedation

Let’s do the time warp again (twice)
(MAGENTA and RIFF RAFF make an extraterrestial sign to each other)

COLUMBIA: Well I was walking down the street
Just having a think
When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink
Well it shook me up, it took me by surprise
He had a pick up truck and the devil’s eyes
Oh – he stared at me and I felt a change
Time meant nothing – never would again

ALL: Let’s do the time warp again (twice)
CHORUS REPEAT

(COLUMBIA dances to half a verse of “Time Warp” as sung by other two)

ALL: Let’s do the Time Warp again (twice)
REPEAT CHORUS.
————————

SCENE FOUR

The laboratory.

FRANK: Unlock a mind – unmind a lock – it’s the same as the beginning of the end – do you follow?
JANET: No.
BRAD: It’s an anagram, Janet.
FRANK: I wonder may I offer you something refreshing.
BRAD & JANET: No.
FRANK: No. You’re right I won’t – how delightful to have fresh faces around. Magenta – Columbia – go and assist Riff Raff – I will entertain – Ahh.
BRAD: Brad Majors.
FRANK: Brad Majors.
BRAD: And this is my fiance’e ‘e Janet Weiss.
JANET: Weiss.
BRAD: Weiss.
FRANK: Enchante’. ‘. How nice – and what charming underclothes you both have – but here, put these on. Oh but here. Thank you thing. (He hands them robes) It’ll make you feel less vulnerable. We don’t often receive visitors here, let alone show them hospitality…
BRAD: Hospitality! All we wanted was to use your phone, a reasonable request which you have chosen to ignore.
JANET: Don’t be ungrateful, Brad.
BRAD: Ungrateful!!
FRANK: How forceful you are, Brad, what a perfect example of manhood – so dominant – you must be very proud, Janet.
JANET: Yes.
FRANK: Tell me Brad, do you have any tattoos?
BRAD: Certainly not.
FRANK: Oh well… (to JANET) How about you?
(Enter RIFF RAFF)
RIFF RAFF: Everything is in readiness master, we merely wait for you to give the word.
FRANK: Tonight, Brad and Janet, Paradise is to be mine…
JANET: Oh how wonderful for you.
FRANK: It was strange the way it happened one of those quirks of fate really one of those moments when… Everything looks black the chips are down. Your back is against the wall. You panic – you’re trapped – there’s no way out and even if there was it would probably be a one way ticket to the bottom of the bay. And then suddenly you get a break – all the pieces seem to fit into place – what a sucker you’d been – what a fool – the answer was there all the time – it took a small accident to make it happen.
ALL: (look at FRANK in blank amazement)
FRANK: An accident, (MAGENTA and COLUMBIA repeat “accident”) Oh God, that’s how I discovered the secret – that elusive ingredient – that spark that is the breath of life. Yes – I have that knowledge I hold the key to life itself you see Brad and Janet you are fortunate for tonight is the time my beautiful creature is destined to be born… Throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator and then step the reactor power input up three more points…
JANET: Brad!!
BRAD: It’s alright, Janet.

ROCKY: The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head
And I’ve got the feeling someone’s
Going to be cutting the thread
Oh woe is me – my life is a misery
Oh can’t you see that I’m at the start
of a pretty big downer
I woke up this morning with a start when
I fell out of the bed.

ALL: That ain’t no crime.

ROCKY: And left from my dreaming was a feeling
of unamiable dread.

ALL: That ain’t no crime.
My high is low – I’m dressed up with no place
to go and all I know is I’m at the
start of a pretty big downer.

ROCKY: (That ain’t no crime)
Oh no no no no

ALL: (Sha la la la that ain’t no crime)

ROCKY: (That ain’t no crime)
Oh no no no no

ALL: (Sha la la la that ain’t no crime)
(That ain’t no crime)

NARRATOR: Rocky Horror you need peace of mind – and I want
to tell you that you’re doing just fine
You’re the product of another time and
feeling down well that’s no crime.

ALL: That ain’t no crime.

ROCKY: The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head

ALL: That ain’t no crime.

ROCKY: And I’ve got the feeling someone’s going
be cutting the thread.

ALL: That ain’t no crime.

ROCKY: Oh woe is me – my life is a mystery
Oh can’t you see that I’m at the start
of a pretty big downer.
(That ain’t no crime)
Oh no no no no
(Sha la la la that ain’t no crime)

FRANK: Well really – that’s no way to behave on your first day out.
ROCKY: Well nobody’s perfect – But I do think you made a pretty good job of the body work.
FRANK: You are the result of may hours of toil – and now my beautiful creature you’re ready for the ultimate test.
ROCKY: Oh dear.
FRANK: But first meet the family, Magenta, Rocky.
MAGENTA: Hello Rocky.
ROCKY: Hello Magenta.
FRANK: Riff Raff – Rocky.
RIFF RAFF: Hello Rocky.
ROCKY: Hello Riff Raff.
FRANK: Columbia – Rocky.
COLUMBIA: Hello Rocky.
ROCKY: Hello Columbia.
FRANK: Hello. Well, Brad and Janet, what do you think?
JANET: I don’t like men with too many muscles.
FRANK: I didn’t make him for you dear. He carries the Charles Atlas seal of approval -

A weakling weighing 98 pounds
Got sand in his face when kicked to the
ground
His girl split on him
And soon in the gym
The sweat from his pores
As he worked for his cause
Made him glisten and gleam
And with massage and steam
He was thin but quite clean
He was in good shape

ALL: But the wrong shape

FRANK: He ate nutritious High-Protein
And swallowed raw eggs
Tried to build up his shoulders,
His chest, arms and legs
Then a magazine advert with a new muscle plan
(said)

ALL: In just seven days I can make you a man.

FRANK: He’d done press ups and chin ups
Clean and jerked. Done the Snatch
Thought dynamic tension must be a catch
So he re-read the advert to see how it ran

ALL: In just seven days I can make you a man.
————————–
(A large container 6’6″ – 7′ high – 4.5′ wide resembling a 1940′s fridge with the “Eddie” air-brushed on the door becomes lit – the door opens – “Eddie” appears.

COLUMBIA: Eddie.

He is battered and shows the occasional seam, wearing extremely thick crepe soled shoes, (black leather drainpipes, skin tight) – drape coat – no tie, open necked. (Must hint of Frankenstein’s Monster) Clothes mustn’t look new. INTO -

EDDIE: Whatever happened to Saturday night
When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright
It don’t seem the same since cosmic light
Came into my life and I thought I was divine
I used to go for a ride with a chick who’d go
And listen to the music on the radio
A saxophone was blowing on a Rock and Roll Show
And you climbed in the back and you really had
A good time

ALL: Hot Patootie bless my soul
I really love that Rock and Roll (four times)

EDDIE: My head used to swim from the perfume I smelt
My hands kind of fumbled with her white plastic belt.
I’d taste her baby pink lipstick and that’s when I’d melt
And she’d whisper in my ear tonight she really was mine
Get back in front and put some hair oil on
Buddy Holly was singing his very last song
With your arm round your girl you’d try to sing along
You felt pretty good cause you’d really had
A good time.

ALL: Hot Patootie bless my soul
I really love that Rock and Roll. (Repeat 8 times)

(EDDIE exits back into the container)

FRANK: One from the vaults.
ROCKY: How can you keep him around. He’s so ugly.
FRANK: A certain naive charm but no muscle. We had a mental relationship -

But a deltoid and a bicep
A hot groin and a tricep
Makes me shake
Makes me want to take
Charles Atlas by the hand.

ALL: In just seven days I can make you a man.

FRANK: I don’t want no dissension
Just dynamic tension

JANET: I’m a muscle fan.

ALL: In just seven days I can make you a man.

FRANK: Dig it if you can.

ALL: In just seven days I can make you a man.

(BLACKOUT)

—————–

NARRATOR: There are those who say that life is an illusion – and reality as we know it, is merely a figment of our imaginations. If this is so, Brad and Janet are quite safe. But – there are some who have a far more physical philosophy – those who would stop at nothing to satisfy their base desires – It could be that Brad and Janet are among those who hold the devil’s reins.

—————-

SCENE FIVE

“JANET’S ROOM”
Voices in BLACKOUT.

JANET’S: Oh Brad – Oh yes – Yes my darling – What if..
BRAD’S: It’s all right Janet – everything’s going to be all right.
JANET’S: Oh I hope so my darling. I’m so fri… (Lights UP) You!
FRANK: I’m afraid so Janet but wasn’t it nice…
JANET: You beast – you monster – what have you done with Brad?
FRANK: Mmm – nothing – why, do you think I should?
JANET: You tricked me – I wouldn’t have – I’ve never – never.
FRANK: I know – but it wasn’t all bad was it? Not really even half bad – in fact, I think perhaps you found it quite – pleasurable – Mmm – so soft so – sensual.
JANET: Ahh – no – stop – I mean help – I – Brad – Ohhhh – Brad.
FRANK: Shhh. Brad’s probably asleep by now – do you wan’t him to see you like this.
JANET: Like this? Like how? It’s your fault you’re to blame… I was – saving my self.
FRANK: Well I’m sure you’re not spent yet and it was an enjoyable experience was it not? (Lights DIM) You did like it didn’t you. There’s no crime in giving yourself over to pleasure – is there? We could try for an action replay – Oh Janet you’ve wasted so much time already – Brad needn’t know. I won’t tell him, Mmmm.
(BLACKOUT)
JANET: Are you sure you won’t tell him. Ohhh…

————-

SCENE SIX

“BRAD’S ROOM”
Voices in BLACKOUT.

JANET’S: Oh Brad – Oh yet – Yes my darling.
BRAD’S: It’s all right Janet everything’s going to be all right.
JANET’S: I hope so my darling.
(Lights UP)
BRAD: You!
FRANK: I’m afraid so Brad – but wasn’t it nice.
BRAD: Why you – What have you done with Janet?
FRANK: Mmm – nothing – why, do you think I should?
BRAD: You tricked me, I wouldn’t have – I’ve never – never.
FRANK: I know – but it wasn’t all bad was it? Not really even half bad, in fact, I think you found it quite pleasurable – Oh so soft – so sensual.
BRAD: Ah. No – stop. I mean – Janet – Ohh Janet.
FRANK: Shhh – Janet’s probably asleep by now – Do you want her to see you like this?
BRAD: Like this – Like how – It’s your fault. You’re to blame – I thought it was the real thing.
FRANK: A bottle of coke? Oh come on Brad admit it. It was enjoyable wasn’t it? You liked it didn’t you? There’s no crime in giving yourself over to pleasure – is there? (Lights DIM) We could try for an action replay. Oh Brad you’ve wasted so much time already – Janet needn’t know. I won’t tell her – Mmm…
(Blackout)
BRAD: Are you sure you won’t tell her – Ohhh…
RIFF RAFF: (on intercom) Master – The labooratory is empty. Rocky has vanished – the new playmate is loose and somewhere in the building.
FRANK: Oh – Wow – What a – Mmm – Oh – Coming.

—————–

SCENE SEVEN

 

Laboratory. Enter JANET.

 

 

JANET: What’s happening here – Where’s Brad? – Where’s

anybody? If only we hadn’t made this journey – if

only the car hadn’t broken down – if only we were

amongst friends or sane persons.

 

NARRATOR: “If” and “only” – two small words – words that kept

repeating themselves again and again in Janet’s

thoughts – but it was too late to go back now – it

were as if she were riding a giant tidal wave, it

would be folly to fight against it – her only chance

would be to ride it out – adapt – and perhaps also -

survive.

 

(Enter ROCKY)

 

ROCKY: Oh! It’s you – look I’m trying to hide from my

creator and his minion – they scare me – I feel

that all is not well here. I have been thinking a

lot about – (Eddie) I have a feeling of foreboding.

 

JANET: It’s all like some terrible dream.

 

ROCKY: Is it true you don’t like men with too many muscles?

 

JANET: Well…

 

ROCKY: Have you got any lip gloss?

 

JANET: I’m engaged to Brad, just the same as Betty Munroe was

to Ralf Hapshatt. But Frank’s kisses overwhelmed

me with an ecstasy I had never dreamed of before -

hot burning kisses – I could see Brad’s face before

me, and my mind screamed – No!! – but my lips

were hungry, too hungry – I wanted to be loved,

and loved completely – my body throbbed excitedly -

Oh Brad, Brad my darling how could I have done

this to you.

 

ROCKY: This room is a womb to me.

 

JANET: Yes – there you see, it’s instinctive – you returned

here for one thing – security. Oh where’s Brad -

 

(She fiddles with TV monitor)

 

What have they done with him?

 

NARRATOR: Janet’s feelings ran wild as she frantically manipu-

lated the selector switch on the T.V. monitor – The

screen threw up images of empty rooms and corridors -

finally she stopped – at Frank’s bedroom.

(sees FRANK kissing BRAD) Aaahhh!!

 

ROCKY: Oh you can’t rely on anyone.

 

JANET: Oh Brad! – how could you?

 

NARRATOR: If one is suffering the pangs of remorse for a

sexual indiscretion – it ould seem logical that the

transgressor would be sympathetic toward a loved

one caught in a similar misdemeanour – But emotion

is an irrational and powerful master – and from what

Janet witnessed on the monitor – there seemed little

doubt that she was indeed its slave.

 

JANET: I was feeling done in

Coudn’t win

I’d only ever kissed before

I thought there’s no use getting

into heavy petting

It only leads to trouble

And seat wetting.

 

Now all I want to know

Is how to go

I’ve tasted blood and I want more

I’ll put up no resistance

I want to stay the distance

I’ve got an itch to scratch

And I need assistance

 

CHORUS: Touch-a Touch-a Touch-a – Touch me.

I want to be dirty

Thrill me chill me fulfil me

Creature of the night.

 

Then if anything grows

When you pose

I’ll oil you up and rub you down

And that’s just one small fraction

Of the main attraction

You need a friendly hand

And I need action.

 

REPEATS.

 

(CHORUS. After Janet has sung it at least once

by herself, ROCKY comes in with (“Hot Patootie

Bless My Soul, I Really Love that Rock and Roll”)

and sings it against Touch-a Touch-a etc.)

 

BLACKOUT

 

 

 

SCENE EIGHT

 

 

RIFF RAFF: Aaaggghhh – Mercy!

 

FRANK: (with whip) How did it happen – I understood you

were to be watching.

 

RIFF RAFF: I was only away for a moment.

 

FRANK: See if you can find him on the monitor.

 

(Click – Brad’s empty room -

switch – switch – switch -

Janet’s room)

 

FRANK: Oh Bradlette

 

RIFF RAFF: I’ve located him in the female’s quarters, Master.

 

FRANK: Rocky!!

 

BRAD: Janet!! How could she. That’s it – it’s over.

 

NARRATOR: Over! What was over? Not the night that was

certain. Brad and Janet’s engagement? Their love

for one another? Who could say – for questions such

as these are not to be answered by the academic

they must be left for the heart to solve and Brad

you may be sure, had plenty of heart.

 

BRAD: Once in a while

She don’t want to call you

Speaking on the telephone

And once in your life

She won’t want to know you

You look around

The one you found she is gone

 

And that’s all the time

That it takes

For a heart to turn to stone

The sweeter the wine

The harder to make the break

You hear someting

About someone you thought you’d known

 

So baby don’t cry

Like there’s no tomorrow

After the night there’s brand new day

And there’ll be no pain

And no more sorrow

So wash your face

And phone my place. It’ll be okay.

 

And that’s all the time

That it takes

For a heart to beat again

So give me a sign

That a lover makes

You look around the one

Found is back again…

 

FRANK: How maudlin – how pathetic – Your baggage has

dared to defile my beautiful creature – oh Rocky

how could you.

 

(Static – on monitor – outside -

a figure creeping toward hidden

camera)

 

RIFF RAFF: Master – we have a visitor

 

BRAD: Great Scott – Scotty – Dr. Evrett Scott.

 

RIFF RAFF: You know this earth – this person?

 

BRAD: Yes, I do he’s an old friend of mine.

 

FRANK: I see – so this wasn’t simply a chance meeting -

you came here with a purpose.

 

BRAD: That’s not true – my car broke down – I told you.

 

FRANK: I know what you told me, Brad – but this Dr.

Evrett Scott, his name is not unknown to me.

 

BRAD: He was a science teacher at Denton High.

 

FRANK: And he now works for your Government -

doesn’t he, Brad? He’s attached to the bureau

of the investigation of that which you call

U.F.O’s – that’s right, isn’t it, Brad?

 

BRAD: He might be – I don’t know.

 

RIFF RAFF: The intruder is entering the building, Master.

 

FRANK: Ah he’s in the Zen room. Seal off all exits – and all

doors – except for those that lead here -

Riff Raff – bring Rocky and Janet here – I think we

should make this a social occasion. The three

unexpected guests shall entertain us with a floor

show – which I shall direct.

 

 

 

SCENE NINE

 

Enter DOCTOR SCOTT in wheelchair

COLUMBIA pushing him.

 

 

COLUMBIA: Hi – Ho – Silver.

 

BRAD: Dr. Scott!

 

SCOTTY: Brad – what are you doing here?

 

FRANK: Don’t play games, Dr. Scott. It was part of your

plan, was it not, that Brad Majors and his female

should check the layout for you – unfortunately for

you all there is to be a change of plans – I’m sure

you’re adaptable, Dr. Scott – I know Brad is.

 

SCOTTY: I can assure you that Brad’s presence here comes

as a complete surprise to me. As does the set up

you have here – I didn’t exptct it to be quite so…

 

FRANK: Sophisticated – Dr. Scott? Or should I say Dr. Von

Scott?

 

BRAD: What exactly are you implying?

 

SCOTTY: That’s alright, Brad… Ah – this machine here…

 

BRAD: What do you think it is, Doc?

 

SCOTTY: At this precise moment it’s hard to tell – but it

seems to be made of a metal that is not of this earth

- I would say that it was from another planet.

 

(Doors OPEN. Enter JANET)

 

JANET: Dr. Scott!!

 

SCOTTY: Janet!

 

FRANK: Rocky!

 

ROCKY: Piss off.

 

FRANK: Listen – I made you and I can break you just as

easily – I’ll pull your plug out

 

SCOTTY: I suppose you intend to do with us as you did with

Eddie.

 

COLUMBIA: Eddie!

 

MAGENTA &

RIFF RAFF: Sshhh.

 

BRAD: Eddie – I’ve seen him, he looks terrible.

 

FRANK: What do you know of Eddie, Dr. Scott?

 

SCOTTY: I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things -

you see Eddie happened to be my nephew.

 

BRAD: Dr. Scott!

 

SCOTTY: Yes, Brad – my sister’s boy. I knew he was in with

a bad crowd, but it was worse than I imagined – aliens.

 

BRAD: Tell them, Doc.

 

SCOTTY: From the day he was born, he was trouble

He was the thorn in his mother’s side.

She tried in vain,

 

NARRATOR: But he never caused her nothing but pain.

 

SCOTTY: He left home the day she died.

From the day she was gone

All he wanted

Was a rockin’ roll porn and a motor bike.

Shootin’ up junk,

 

NARRATOR: He was a low down cheap little punk.

 

SCOTTY: Taking everyone for a ride.

 

CHORUS: When Eddie said he didn’t like his teddy,

You knew he was a no good kid.

When he threatened your life with a switch blade knife,

 

FRANK: What a guy.

 

JANET: Made you cry.

 

SCOTTY: And I did.

 

NELL: Everybody shoved him.

I very nearly loved him.

I say hey listen to me

Stay sane inside insanity.

But he shut the door and threw away the key.

 

SCOTTY: But he must have been drawn in to something.

Making him warn me in a note which read

 

ALL: What’s it say, What’s it say.

 

SCOTTY: I’m out of my head.

 

NARRATOR: Hurry or I may be dead.

 

SCOTTY: They mustn’t carry out their evil deeds.

 

Chorus

 

(Repeat)

 

FRANK: What a guy,

 

JANET: Made you cry,

 

SCOTTY: And I did.

 

(Repeat)

 

FRANK: Say a prayer for Eddie, I just defrosted him. (He

pulls out a bag of blood and gore) His destiny is in

the bag.

 

MAGENTA: I’ll put him down the waste disposal.

 

FRANK: Clever girl.

 

BRAD: Why you…

 

FRANK: (Flicks a switch) There, that should restrain you all.

 

JANET: My feet – there’s something wrong with my feet.

 

SCOTTY: My wheels! My God, I can’t move my wheels.

 

BRAD: It’s as if we were glued to the spot.

 

FRANK: You are, so quake with fear you tiny fools – O.K.

it’s startime – Riff Raff set the sonic transducer on

programme 8 secure all levels at zero -

 

MAGENTA: Relax.

 

SCOTTY: You won’t find earth people quite the easy mark that

you imagine – this sonic transducer! It is I suppose

some type of audio vibratory physiomolecular

transport device!

 

FRANK: You’d better believe it, baby.

 

BRAD: You mean…?

 

SCOTTY: Yes, Brad – it’s something we ourselves have been

working on. But it seems our friend here has found

a way of perfecting it – a device that is capable of

breaking down solid matter and then projecting it

through space and who knows, perhaps even time itself.

 

JANET: You’re going to send us to another planet?

 

FRANK: Planet – Shmanet Janet

Tell you once

Won’t tell you twice

You’d better wise up Janet Weiss

 

Y’apple pie

Don’t taste too nice

You’d better wise up Janet Weiss

 

I’ve laid the seed

It should be all you need

You’re as sensual

As a pencil

Wound up like an ‘E’ or first string

When we made it

Did ja hear a bell ring?

 

Y’ got a block

Take my advice

You’d better wise up Janet Weiss

 

The transducer

Will seduce yah

It’s something you’ll get used to

A mental mind-fuck can be nice

 

You’d better wise up – Janet Weiss

You’d better wise up

Build your thighs up

You’d better wise up

 

NARRATOR: And then she cries out.

 

JANET: Stop!!

 

FRANK: Don’t get hot and flustered

Use a bit of mustard.

 

ALL

(Voices building) *You’re a hot dog

But you’d better not try to hurt her

Frank Furter

 

(* This keeps repeating and one by one they

are released by FRANK signalling MAGENTA

to pull the switch – in turn they make for

FRANK and are sprayed by RIFF RAFF and

become drugged. He rushes them into the transducer

entrance)

 

(MAGENTA keeps singing

after everyone else has stopped)

 

FRANK: Magenta, relax.

 

(RIFF RAFF sprays her)

 

Columbia – The artistes are in a molecular

state somewhere between entrance and exit.

(RIFF RAFF sprays her) When they’ve pulled

themselves together – see that they are

prepared for the floorshow.

 

COLUMBIA: Oh Wow – I can dig it – much – far out – what a

gas – that’s groovy – I’m hip, man – it’s like a

trip – oh nice one – freak out baby – dig you later.

 

FRANK: It’s not easy having a good time – even smiling

makes my face ache – and my children turn on

me – Rocky’s behaving just as Eddie did – maybe

I made a mistake in splitting his brain between the

two of them.

 

MAGENTA: When do we return to Transalvania? – I grow weary

of this world.

 

FRANK: Magenta I am indeed grateful to both you and your

brother Riff Raff – you have both served me well -

loyalty such as yours must be rewarded, and you

will discover that when the mood takes me, I can

be quite generous.

 

MAGENTA: I ask for nothing, Master.

 

FRANK: And you shall receive it in abundance – come – our

guests will be growing restless. (exits)

 

(MAGENTA and RIFF RAFF look

at one another – they make an

extraterrestial sign. EXIT)

 

NARRATOR: And so, by some extraordinary coincidence – fate

it seems had decided that Brad and Janet should

keep that appointment with their friend Dr. Evrett

Scott. But, it was to be in a situation which none

of them could have possibly foreseen – And, just a

few hours after announcing their engagement Brad

and Janet had both tasted forbidden fruit – This in

itself was proof that their host was a man of little

morals and some persuasion -

 

What further indignities were they to be subjected

to… ? – And what of the sonic transducer and the

floorshow that had been spoken of? – What indeed? -

From what had gone before it was clear that this

was to be no picnic.

 

 

 

SCENE TEN

 

Each enters singly – wearing black

stocking and suspenders and black

underwear and finally they become

a slow-motion chorus line.

 

COLUMBIA: It was great

When it all began

I was a regular Franky Fan

But it was over when he had the plan

To start working on a muscle-man

Now the only thing that gives me hope

Is my love of a certain dope

Rose tints my world keeps me

Safe from my trouble and pain.

 

ROCKY: I’m just seven hours old

Truly beautiful to behold

And somebody should be told

My libido hasn’t been controlled

Now the only thing I’ve come to trust

Is an orgasmic rush of lust

Rose tints my world keeps me

Safe from my trouble and pain.

 

BRAD: It’s beyond me

Help me mommy

I’ll be good you’ll see

Take this dream away

What’s this, let’s see

I feel sexy

What’s come over me

Here it comes again

 

JANET: I feel released

Bad times deceased

My confidence has increased

Reality is here

The game has been disbanded

My mind has been expanded

It’s a gas that Frankie’s landed

His lust is so sincere

 

FRANK: What ever happened to Fay Wray

That delicate satin draped frame

As it clung to her thigh

How I started to cry

For I wanted to be dressed just the same.

 

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure

Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh

Erotic nightmares beyond any measure

And sensual daydreams to treasure forever -

Can’t you just see it.

 

Don’t dream it – Be it

 

Don’t dream it – Be it

 

Don’t dream it – Be it

 

(This continues fading slowly and

through this comes SCOTTY’s

thoughts – as he sings, the blanket

reveals his stocking-clad legs)

 

SCOTTY: Hmm.. We’ve got to get out of this trap

Before this decadence saps our wills

I’ve got to be strong and try to hang on

Or my mind may well snap

And my life will be lived for the thrills

 

BRAD: It’s beyond me

Help me mommy

 

JANET: God bless Lilly St. Cyr.

 

FRANK: (screaming) MY MY MY MY

 

I’m a wild and an untamed thing

I’m a bee with a deadly sting

Get a hit, and your mind goes ping

Your heart’ll thump and your blood will sing

So let the party and the sounds rock on

Gonna shake it till the life has gone

Rose tint my world

Keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

 

(They all sing “We’re a wild and

an untamed thing” – right through

twice.

 

RIFF RAFF and MAGENTA enter

dressed in extraterrestial

national costume)

 

RIFF RAFF: Frank n Furter

It’s all over

Your mission is a failure

Your life style’s too extreme

I’m your new commander

You now are my prisoner

We return to Transalvania

Prepare the transit beam.

 

(ALL freeze)

 

FRANK: Wait – I can explain

 

(He is left alone)

 

On the day I went away

 

ALL: Goodbye

 

FRANK: Was all I had to say

 

ALL: Now I

 

FRANK: Want to come again and stay

 

ALL: Oh my

 

FRANK: Smile and that will mean I may

 

I’ve seen blue skies

Throught the tears in my eyes

And I realise I’m going home

 

Everywhere it’s been the same

 

ALL: Feeling

 

FRANK: Like I’m outside in the rain

 

ALL: Wheeling

 

FRANK: Free to try and find a game

 

ALL: Dealing

 

FRANK: Cards for sorrow cards for pain

 

I’ve seen blue skies

Through the tears in my eyes

And I realise – I’m going home

I’m going home

I’m going home

 

 

 

 

SCENE ELEVEN

 

 

MAGENTA: How sentimental.

 

RIFF RAFF: And also presumptious of you – you see when I said

`we’ were to return I referred only to Magenta and

myself – I’m sorry however if you found my words

misleading – you see you are to remain here – in

spirit anyway -

 

(He produces a ray gun)

 

SCOTTY: Great heavens – that’s a laser.

 

RIFF RAFF: Yes, Dr. Scott, a laser capable of emitting a beam

of pure anti-matter.

 

BRAD: You mean you’re going to kill him? – What’s his crime.

 

FRANK: Oh Brad.

 

SCOTTY: You saw what had become of Eddie – Society must

be protected.

 

RIFF RAFF: Exactly, Dr Scott – Now Frank-n-Furter, your time

has come – say goodbye to all this – and hello to

oblivion.

 

FRANK: Do your worst – inferior one.

 

COLUMBIA: No!! No!!

 

(She throws herself between

RIFF RAFF and FRANK – BLATTT -

She and FRANK are both killed.

 

ROCKY bellows and beats his chest,

picks up FRANK. RIFF RAFF fires

again and again until finally ROCKY

dies. Spectacularly)

 

BRAD: Good God.

 

RIFF RAFF: Yes.

 

JANET: You’ve killed them.

 

MAGENTA: I thought you liked them – they liked you.

 

RIFF RAFF: (screams) They didn’t like me – They never liked

me. You saw the way things were – the way they were

going

 

SCOTTY: You did right.

 

RIFF RAFF: A decision had to be made.

 

SCOTTY: You’re O.K. by me.

 

RIFF RAFF: Dr. Scott I’m sorry about our nephew.

 

SCOTTY: Yes – perhaps it’s for the best.

 

RIFF RAFF: You should leave now, Dr. Scott

While it is still possible

We are about to beam the entire house

Back to the planet of transexual

In the galaxy of Transalvania

Go now -

 

(RIFF RAFF and MAGENTA look at one

another. They start to laugh quietly -

it builds)

 

MAGENTA: I wonder if I remembered to lock up the dogs -

(they laugh louder)

 

RIFF RAFF: No matter, Magenta – activate the transit crystal.

 

BRAD: I’ve done a lot

God knows I’ve tried

To find the truth

I’ve even lied

But all I know

Is down inside

 

ALL: I’m bleeding

 

JANET: And super heroes

Come to feast

To taste the flesh

Not yet deceased

And all I know

Is still the beast

 

ALL: Is feeding

 

Ahh Ahh etc. …

 

(Chant)

 

NARRATOR: And crawling on the planets face

Some insects called the human race

Lost in time

And lost in space

 

ALL: And meaning.

 

(SCOTTY, BRAD and JANET are

left alone with nothing

but the wind.)

 

BLACKOUT

 

 

EPILOGUE

 

MAGENTA: (as usherette) Science Fiction – double feature

Frank has built and lost his creature

Darkness has conquered Brad and Janet

The servants gone to a distant planet

Oh – at the late night double feature

Picture show – I want to go – Ohh -

To the late night double feature picture show.

 

 

 

 

THE END

 

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