The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Script by Richard O’Brien

SCIENCE FICTION/DOUBLE FEATURE

 

Usherette: Michael Rennie was ill

The Day the Earth Stood Still

But he told us where we stand.

And Flash Gordon was there

In silver underwear,

Claude Rains was the Invisible Man.

Then something went wrong

For Fay Wray and King Kong;

They got caught in a celluloid jam.

Then at a deadly pace

It Came From… Outer Space.

And this is how the message ran:

 

Chorus: Science fiction, double feature

Doctor X will build a creature.

See androids fighting Brad and Janet

Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet

Wo Oh Oh Oh Oh

At the late night, double feature, picture show.

 

Usherette: I knew Leo G. Carrol

Was over a barrel

When Tarantula took to the hills.

And I really got hot

When I saw Jeanette Scott

Fight a triffid that spits poison and kills.

Dana Andrews said Prunes

Gave him the runes

And passing them used lots of skills.

But When Worlds Collide,

Said George Powell to his bride,

“I’m gonna give you some terrible thrills,”

Like a…

 

Chorus: Science fiction, double feature

Doctor X will build a creature.

See androids fighting Brad and Janet

Anne Francis stars in Forbidden Planet

Wo Oh Oh Oh Oh

At the late night, double feature, picture show.

 

I wanna go

Oh Oh Oh

To the late night double feature picture show,

By RKO,

Oh Oh Oh

To the late night double feature picture show,

In the back row,

Oh Oh Oh

To the late night, double feature, picture show!

 

Dentonian: Here they come!

 

Photographer: Let’s get a picture. Close together now. The folks and then the grandparents. Yes,

all the close family. Ahhh, hold that. Beautiful. And… smile! Congratulations!

 

Ralph: I guess we finally did it, huh.

 

Brad: I don’t think there’s any doubt about that. You and Betty have been almost inseparable

since you met in Dr. Scott’s refresher courses.

 

Ralph: Well to tell you the truth, Brad, that’s the only reason I showed up in the first place.

Betty: O.K. you guys, this is it.

 

Ralph: Well Betty’s going to throw the bouquet.

 

Janet: I got it! I got it!

 

Ralph: Hey big fella, looks like it could be your turn next, eh?

 

Brad: Who knows.

 

Ralph: Well, so long, see you Brad. Guess we better get going now Betty. Come on, hop in. See

ya, Brad!

 

Janet: Oh Brad, wasn’t it wonderful? Didn’t Betty look radiantly beautiful? I can’t believe

it. An hour ago she was just plain old Betty Munroe and now… now she’s Mrs. Ralph

Hapschatt.

 

Brad: Yes Janet, Ralph’s a lucky guy.

 

Janet: Yes.

 

Dentonian: I always cry at weddings.

 

Brad: Uh, everyone knows that Betty is a wonderful little cook.

 

Janet: Yes.

 

Brad: Why Ralph himself, he’ll be in line for a promotion in a year or two.

Janet: Yes.

 

Brad: Hey Janet.

 

Janet: Yes Brad?

 

Brad: I’ve got something to say.

 

Janet: Uh huh.

 

Brad: I really love the… skilful way… you beat the other girls… to the bride’s bouquet.

 

Janet: Oh Brad.

 

Brad: The river was deep but I swam it. (Janet)

The future is ours so let’s plan it. (Janet)

So please, don’t tell me to can it. (Janet)

I’ve one thing to say and that’s Dammit, Janet I love you.

 

The road was long but I ran it. (Janet)

There’s a fire in my heart and you fan it. (Janet)

If there’s one fool for you then I am it. (Janet)

I’ve one thing to say and that’s Dammit, Janet I love you.

 

Here’s a ring to prove that I’m no joker.

There’s three ways that love can grow.

That’s good, bad, or mediocre.

Oh, J-A-N-E-T I love you so.

 

Janet: Oh, it’s nicer than Betty Munroe had. (Oh Brad)

Now we’re engaged and I’m so glad (Oh Brad)

That you met Mom and you know Dad. (Oh Brad)

I’ve one thing to say and that’s Brad, I’m mad, for you too.

 

Oh Brad…

 

Brad: Oh… dammit!

 

Janet: I’m mad…

 

Brad: Oh, Janet.

 

Janet: For you.

 

Brad: I love you too.

 

Brad & Janet: There’s one thing left to do – ah – oo.

 

Brad: And that’s go see the man who began it. (Janet)

When we met in his science exam – it (Janet)

Made me give you the eye and then panic. (Janet)

Now I’ve one thing to say and that’s Dammit, Janet, I love you.

Dammit, Janet.

 

Janet: Oh Brad, I’m mad.

 

Brad: Dammit, Janet.

 

Brad & Janet: I love you.

 

Narrator: I would like, ah, if I may, …to take you on a strange journey. It seemed a fairly

ordinary night when Brad Majors and his fiancee Janet Weiss, two young, ordinary, healthy

kids, left Denton that late November evening, to visit a Dr. Everett Scott, ex-tutor, and

now friend to both of them. It’s true there were dark storm clouds, heavy, black, and

pendulous, towards which they were driving. It’s true, also, that the spare tire they

were carrying was badly in need of some air, but, uh, they being normal kids and, on a

night night out… well, they were not going to let a storm spoil the events of their

evening, were they?… On a night out… it was a night out they were going to

remember… for a very long time.

 

Janet: Gosh, that’s the third motorcycle that’s passed us. They sure do take their lives in

their hands, what with the weather and all.

 

Brad: Yes, life’s pretty cheap to that type.

 

Janet: Oh. …What’s the matter, Brad darling?

 

Brad: Hmmm.. we must have taken the wrong fork a few miles back.

 

Janet: Oh, but where did that motorcyclist come from?

 

Brad: Hmmm… well I guess we’ll just have to turn back.

 

Janet: Oh! What was that bang?

 

Brad: We must have a blowout. DAMMIT! I knew I should have gotten that spare tire fixed.

Well, you just stay here keep warm and I’ll go for help.

 

Janet: But where will you go in the middle of nowhere?

 

Brad: Didn’t we pass a castle back down the road a few miles? Maybe they have a telephone I

could use.

 

Janet: I’m going with you.

 

Brad: Oh, no, darling, there’s no sense in both of us getting wet.

 

Janet: I’m coming with you! Besides darling, the owner of that phone might be a beautiful woman,

and you might never come back again.

 

Brad: Heh, heh, heh, heh.

 

 

OVER AT THE FRANKENSTEIN PLACE

 

Janet: In the velvet darkness,

Of the blackest night,

Burning bright, there’s a guiding star.

No matter what or who you are.

 

Brad & Janet: There’s a light…

 

Chorus: Over at the Frankenstein place.

 

Brad & Janet: There’s a light…

 

Chorus: Burning in the fireplace…

 

Brad & Janet: There’s a light, light in the darkness of everybody’s life.

 

 

Riff Raff: The darkness must go down the river of night’s dreaming.

Flow morphia slow, let the sun and light come streaming

Into my life. Into my life…

 

Brad & Janet: There’s a light…

 

Chorus: Over at the Frankenstein place.

 

Brad & Janet: There’s a light…

 

Chorus: Burning in the fireplace.

There’s a light, a light

 

Brad & Janet: …in the darkness of everybody’s life.

 

Brad: I can see the flag fly

I can see the rain

Just the same, there has got to be

Something better here for you and me.

 

Narrator: And so, it seemed that fortune had smiled on Brad and Janet and that they had found the

assistance that their plight required. …Or had they?

 

Janet: Brad, let’s go back, I’m cold and I’m frightened…

 

Brad: Just a moment Janet, they might have a phone.

 

Riff Raff: Hello.

 

Brad: Hi! My name is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancee, Janet Weiss. I wonder if you could

help us. You see, our car broke down a few miles up the road… do you have a phone we

might use?

 

Riff Raff: You’re wet.

 

Janet: Yes – it’s raining.

 

Brad: Yes.

 

Riff Raff: Yes… I think perhaps you better both come inside.

 

Janet: You’re too kind. Oh Brad, I’m frightened. What kind of a place is this?

 

Brad: Oh, it’s probably some kind of hunting lodge for rich weirdos.

 

Janet: Oh.

 

Riff Raff: This way.

Janet: Are you having a party?

 

Riff Raff: You’ve arrived on a rather special night. It’s one of the master’s affairs.

 

Janet: Oh, lucky him.

 

Magenta: You’re lucky, he’s lucky, I’m lucky, we’re all lucky! ha ha ha…

 

 

THE TIME WARP

 

Riff Raff: It’s astounding;

Time is fleeting;

Madness takes its toll.

But listen closely…

 

Magenta: Not for very much longer.

 

Riff Raff: I’ve got to keep control.

I remember doing the time-warp

Drinking those moments when

The blackness would hit me

 

Riff & Magenta: And a void would be calling…

 

Transylvanians: Let’s do the time-warp again.

Let’s do the time-warp again.

 

Narrator: It’s just a jump to the left.

 

All: And then a step to the right.

 

Narrator: With your hands on your hips.

 

All: You bring your knees in tight.

But it’s the pelvic thrust

That really drives you insane.

 

Let’s do the time-warp again.

Let’s do the time-warp again.

 

Magenta: It’s so dreamy, oh fantasy free me.

So you can’t see me, no, not at all.

In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention,

Well secluded, I see all.

 

Riff Raff: With a bit of a mind flip

 

Magenta: You’re into the time slip.

 

Riff Raff: And nothing can ever be the same.

 

Magenta: You’re spaced out on sensation.

 

Riff Raff: Like you’re under sedation.

 

All: Let’s do the time-warp again.

Let’s do the time-warp again.

 

Columbia: Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think

When this snake of a guy gave me an evil wink.

He shook me up, he took me by surprise

He had a pickup truck, and the devil’s eyes.

He stared at me and I felt a change.

Time meant nothing, never would again.

 

All: Let’s do the time-warp again.

Let’s do the time-warp again.

 

Narrator: It’s just a jump to the left!

 

All: And then a step to the right.

Narrator: With your hands on your hips….

 

All: You bring your knees in tight.

But it’s the pelvic thrust

That really drives you insane.

 

Let’s do the time-warp again.

Let’s do the time-warp again.

 

All: Let’s do the time-warp again.

Let’s do the time-warp again.

 

Narrator: It’s just a jump to the left!!

 

All: And then a step to the right.

 

Narrator: With your hands on your hips!…

 

All: You bring your knees in tight.

But it’s the pelvic thrust

that really drives you insane.

 

Let’s do the time-warp again.

Let’s do the time-warp again.

 

Janet: Brad, say something.

 

Brad: Say, do any of you guys know how to Madison?

 

Janet: Brad, please, let’s get out of here.

 

Brad: For God’s sake keep a grip on yourself Janet.

 

Janet: But it… it seems so unhealthy here.

 

Brad: It’s just a party, Janet.

 

Janet: Well – I want to go.

 

Brad: Well we can’t go anywhere until I get to a phone.

 

Janet: Well then ask the butler or someone.

 

Brad: Just a moment, Janet – we don’t want to interfere with their celebration.

 

Janet: This isn’t the Junior Chamber of Commerce, Brad.

 

Brad: They’re probably foreigners with ways different than our own. They may do some more…

folk dancing.

 

Janet: Look, I’m cold, I’m wet, and I’m just plain scared!

 

Brad: I’m here – there’s nothing to worry about.

 

SWEET TRANSVESTITE

 

Frank: How do you do, I

See you’ve met my

Faithful handyman.

 

He’s just a little brought down

Because when you knocked

He thought you were the candyman.

 

Don’t get strung out by the way I look.

Don’t judge a book by its cover.

I’m not much of a man by the light of day

But by night I’m one hell of a lover.

 

I’m just a sweet transvestite

From Transsexual, Transylvania.

 

Let me show you around

Maybe play you a sound.

You look like you’re both pretty groovy.

Or if you want something visual

That’s not too abysmal,

We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.

 

Brad: I’m glad we caught you at home,

Could we use your phone?

We’re both in a bit of a hurry.

 

Janet: Right.

 

Brad: We’ll just say where we are,

Then go back to the car.

We don’t want to be any worry.

 

Frank: Well you got caught with a flat, well, how ’bout that?

Well, babies, don’t you panic.

By the light of the night it’ll all seem alright.

I’ll get you a satanic mechanic.

 

I’m just a sweet transvestite

From Transsexual, Transylvania.

 

Why don’t you stay for the night?

 

Riff Raff: Night.

 

Frank: Or maybe a bite?

 

Columbia: Bite.

 

Frank: I could show you my favourite obsession.

I’ve been making a man

With blond hair and a tan

And he’s good for relieving my……tension

 

I’m just a sweet transvestite

From Transsexual, Transylvania.

HIT IT, HIT IT!

I’m just a sweet transvestite

 

Frank, Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Sweet transvestite

 

Frank: From Transsexual,

 

Columbia, Riff Raff, Magenta: Transylvania.

 

Frank: So – come up to the lab,

And see what’s on the slab.

I see you shiver with antici — pation.

But maybe the rain

Isn’t really to blame.

So I’ll remove the cause.

But not the symptom.

 

Janet: Oh! Brad!

 

Brad: It’s all right Janet. We’ll play along for now and pull out the aces when the time is

right.

 

Columbia: Oh, slowly, slowly! It’s too nice a job to rush.

 

Brad: Hi, my name is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancee, Janet Weiss; ah.. you are…?

 

Columbia: You’re very lucky to be invited up to Frank’s laboratory. Some people would give their

right arm for the privilege.

 

Brad: People like you maybe.

 

Columbia: Ha! I’ve seen it.

Riff Raff: Come along – the master doesn’t like to be kept waiting.

 

Magenta: Shift it!

 

Janet: Is he, um, Frank I mean – is he your husband?

 

Riff Raff: The master is not yet married, nor do I think he ever will be. We are simply his

servants.

 

Janet: Oh.

 

Frank: Magenta, Columbia – go assist Riff Raff. I will entertain …uh huh huh…

 

Brad: Brad Majors. This is my fiancee, Janet “Vice”.

 

Janet: Weiss.

 

Brad: Weiss? Um.

 

Frank: Enchante.

 

Frank: Well! How nice. And what charming underclothes you both have. But here. Put these on.

They’ll make you feel less… vulnerable. It’s not often we receive visitors

here, let alone offer them… hospitality.

 

Brad: Hospitality!? All we wanted to do was to use your telephone, Goddammit, a reasonable

request which you’ve chosen to ignore!

 

Janet: Brad, don’t be ungrateful.

 

Brad: Ungrateful!

 

Frank: How forceful you are, Brad. Such a perfect specimen of manhood. So… dominant. You

must be awfully proud of him, Janet.

 

Janet: Well, yes I am.

 

Frank: Do you have any tattoos, Brad?

 

Brad: Certainly not!

 

Frank: Oh well,.. how about you?

 

Janet: No.

 

Riff Raff: Everything is in readiness, master. We merely await your… word.

 

Frank: Tonight, my unconventional conventionists… you are about to witness a new breakthrough

in biochemical research… and paradise is to be mine! It was strange the way it

happened… suddenly you get a break… whole pieces seem to fit into place, not a sign

of being.. what a fool! The answer was there all the time, it took a small accident to

make it happen… AN ACCIDENT…

 

Magenta & Columbia: An accident!

 

Frank: ..and that’s how I discovered the secret, that elusive ingredient, that SPARK that is the

breath of life… Yes, I have that knowledge… I hold the secret… to life… itself!

You see, you are fortunate for tonight is the night that my beautiful creature is

destined to be BORN! Up now! …throw open the switches on the sonic oscillator… and

step the reactor power input THREE MORE POINTS!

 

Janet: Oh, Brad!

 

Brad: It’s all right, Janet!

 

Frank: Oh! Rocky!

 

THE SWORD OF DAMOCLES

 

Rocky: The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head,

And I’ve got the feeling someone’s gonna be cutting the thread.

 

Frank: You IDIOT!!

 

Rocky: Oh, woe is me, my life is a misery.

Oh, can’t you see, that I’m at the start of a pretty big downer.

 

I woke up this morning with a start when I fell out of bed.

 

All: That ain’t no crime.

 

Rocky: And left from my dreaming was a feeling of unnameable dread.

 

All: That ain’t no crime.

 

Rocky: My high is low, I’m dressed up with no place to go.

And all I know is I’m at the start of a pretty big downer.

 

Frank: Oh, Rocky!

 

All: Sha-la-la-la that ain’t no crime.

 

Rocky: Oh ho no no

 

All: Sha-la-la-la that ain’t no crime.

 

Rocky: Oh ho no no

 

All: Sha-la-la-la that ain’t no crime.

 

Rocky: Oh ho no no

 

Rocky: The sword of Damocles is hanging over my head.

 

Frank: Well, really!

 

All: That ain’t no crime.

 

Rocky: And I’ve got the feeling someone’s going to be cutting the thread.

 

All: Sha-la-la-la that ain’t no crime.

 

Rocky: Oh, woe is me, my life is a mystery

And, can’t you see, that I’m at the start of a pretty big downer

 

All: Sha-la-la-la that ain’t no crime.

 

Rocky: Oh no no no.

 

All: Sha-la-la-la that ain’t no crime.

 

Rocky: Oh no no no.

 

All: Sha-la-la-la that ain’t no crime, Sha-la-la-la that ain’t no crime,

Sha-la-la-la that ain’t no crime, Sha-la-la-la that ain’t no crime,

sha-la-la.

 

Frank: Well really. That’s no way to behave on your first day out.

 

Rocky: Ugh Ugh

 

Frank: But since you’re such an exceptional beauty, I am prepared to forgive you.

 

Rocky: Ugh Ugh

 

Frank: Oh, I just love success.

 

Riff Raff: He’s a credit to your genius, master.

 

Frank: Yes.

 

Magenta: A triumph of your will.

 

Frank: Yes.

Columbia: He’s O.K.

 

Frank: O.K.? O.K.?!? I think we can do better than that. Humph! Well, Brad and Janet, what

do you think of him?

 

Janet: Well, I don’t like men with too many muscles.

 

Frank: I didn’t make him FOR YOU! He carries the Charles Atlas seal of approval.

 

 

I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN (part I)

 

Frank: A weakling weighing ninety-eight pounds

Will get sand in his face

When kicked to the ground;

And soon in the gym with a determined chin,

The sweat from his pores as he works for his cause

Will make him glisten …and gleam.

And with massage, and just a little bit of steam,

He’ll be pink and quite clean

He’ll be a strong man. Oh honey…

 

Frank & Transylvanians: But the wrong man.

 

Frank: He’ll eat nutritious high protein. And swallow raw eggs…

Try to build up his shoulders, his chest, arms, and… legs.

Such an effort if he only knew of my plan.

In just seven days…

 

Frank & Transylvanians: I can make you a man.

 

Frank: He’ll do press-ups, and chin-ups, do the snatch, clean and jerk.

He thinks dynamic tension must be hard work.

Such strenuous living I just don’t understand,

When in just seven days, oh baby, …I can make you a man.

 

Columbia: Eddie!

 

HOT PATOOTIE (BLESS MY SOUL)

 

 

Eddie: Whatever happened to Saturday night,

When you dressed up sharp and you felt alright?

It don’t seem the same since cosmic light

Came into my life, I thought I was divine.

I used to go for a ride with a chick who’d go,

And listen to the music on the radio;

A saxophone was blowin’ in a rock ‘n roll show.

You climbed in the back seat, you really had a good time.

 

Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock ‘n roll.

Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock ‘n roll.

Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock ‘n roll.

Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock ‘n roll.

 

My head used to swim from the perfume I smelled.

My hands kind of fumbled with her white plastic belt.

I’d taste her baby pink lipstick and that’s when I’d melt

And she’d whisper in my ear tonight she really was mine.

Get back in front, put some hair oil on

Buddy Holly was singing his very last song.

With your arms around your girl you’d try to sing along.

It felt pretty good. Woo! You really had a good time.

 

Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock ‘n roll.

Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock ‘n roll.

Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock ‘n roll.

Hot patootie, bless my soul, I really love that rock ‘n roll.

etc.

 

Frank: One from the vaults. Oh baby!.. Don’t be upset… It was a mercy killing… he had a

certain naive charm, but no muscle… Oh!

I CAN MAKE YOU A MAN (part II)

 

Frank: But a deltoid and a bicep.

A hot groin and a tricep.

Makes me, oooh, shake,

Makes me want to take Charles Atlas by the…ha-ha-hand.

 

Frank & Transylvanians: In just seven days I can make you a man.

 

Frank: I don’t want no dissention, just dynamic tension.

 

Janet: I’m a muscle fan.

 

Frank: In just seven days, I can make you a man

Dig it if you can

In just seven days, I can make you a man.

 

Transylvanians: Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah! Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah! Frank and Rocky,

rah-rah-rah! Frank and Rocky, rah-rah-rah!

 

Narrator: There are those who say that life is an illusion, and that reality is but a figment of

the imagination. If this is so, then Brad and Janet are quite safe, … however, the

sudden departure of their host…and his creation…into the seclusion of his sombre

bridal suite had left them feeling both apprehensive and uneasy, a feeling which

grew as the other guests departed, and they were shown to their separate rooms.

 

Janet: Who is it? Who’s there?

 

Frank (Brad): It’s only me, Janet.

 

Janet: Oh, Brad darling, come in. Oh! Brad Oh… Yes, my darling…but what if…

 

Frank (Brad): It’s all right, Janet, everything’s going to be alright.

 

Janet: Oh, I hope so, my darling. Oh…Ah…ahh OHHH! Oh it’s you!

 

Frank: I’m afraid so, Janet, but isn’t it nice…

 

Janet: Oh, you beast, you monster…Oh what have you done with Brad?

 

Frank: Oh, well, nothing. Why, do you think I should?

 

Janet: You tricked me…I wouldn’t have…I’ve never..never…

 

Frank: Yes, yes I know, but it isn’t all bad, is it? I think you really found it quite

pleasurable.

 

Janet: Oh, stop…I mean help…Brad Brad!..Oh Brad!!

 

Frank: Shhh. Brad’s probably asleep by now. Do you want him to see you like…This!

 

Janet: Like this..like how??! Oh, it’s your fault…you’re to blame… I was saving myself…

 

Frank: Well, I’m sure you’re not SPENT yet…

 

Janet: Promise you won’t tell Brad?

 

Frank: Cross my heart and hope to die…

 

Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad darling, it’s no good here. It’ll destroy us.

 

Brad: Don’t worry Janet, we’ll be away from here in the morning.

 

Frank (Janet): Oh, Brad you’re so strong and protective.

 

Brad: YOU!

 

Frank: I’m afraid so, Brad, but isn’t it nice…

 

Brad: Why YOU! What have you done with Janet?

 

Frank: Nothing. Why? Do you think I should?

Brad: You tricked me, I wouldn’t have…I’ve never never…never…

 

Frank: Oh Yes yes, I know…but it isn’t all bad, is it? Not even half bad, I think you really

quite enjoyed it.

 

Frank: Oh… so soft…

 

Brad: Stop it…stop it…oh Janet…JANET!

 

Frank: Shhh! Janet’s probably asleep by now, do you want her to see you… like this!

 

Brad: Like this, like how? It’s your fault, you’re to blame, I thought it was the real thing!

 

Frank: Oh come on, Brad, admit it, you liked it, didn’t you? There’s no crime in giving yourself

over to pleasure, Brad. Oh Brad, you’ve wasted so much time already…Janet needn’t

know, I won’t tell.

 

Brad: Well, promise you won’t tell…

 

Frank: On my mother’s graoouuuuuu….

 

Riff Raff: Master, Rocky has broken his chains and vanished. The new playmate is loose and somewhere

on the grounds. Magenta has just released.. the dogs.

 

Frank: Mmmmm? Coming!

 

Janet: What’s happening here? Where’s Brad? Where’s anybody? Oh, Brad. Brad, my darling, how

could I have done this to you? Oh, if only we hadn’t made this journey… if only the

car hadn’t broken down… oh, if only we were amongst friends… Or sane persons, Oh

Brad, what have they done with him… Oh, Brad, Oh Brad-How could you?

 

Janet: Oh, but you’re hurt…Did they do this to you? Here, I’ll dress your wounds… baby

there…

 

Narrator: Emotion, agitation or disturbance of the mind…Vehement or excited mental state. It is

also a powerful and irrational master…and from what Magenta and Columbia eagerly viewed

on their television monitor there seemed little doubt that Janet was, indeed, … its

slave.

 

Magenta and Columbia: Tell us about it, Janet.

 

 

TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH-A TOUCH ME

 

Janet: I was feeling done in, couldn’t win

I’d only ever kissed before.

 

Columbia: You mean she’s…

 

Magenta: Uh huh.

 

Janet: I thought there’s no use getting

Into heavy petting

It only leads to trouble

And seat wetting.

 

Now all I want to know is how to go.

I’ve tasted blood and I want more.

 

Magenta and Columbia: More, more, more

 

Janet: I’ll put up no resistance

I want to stay the distance

I’ve got an itch to scratch

I need assistance.

 

Toucha toucha toucha touch me

I want to be dirty

Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me

Creature of the night.

 

Then if anything grows, while you pose,

I’ll oil you up and rub you down.

 

Magenta and Columbia: Down, down, down.

 

Janet: And that’s just one small fraction of the main attraction

You need a friendly hand and I need action.

 

Toucha toucha toucha touch me

I want to be dirty

Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me

Creature of the night.

 

Columbia: Toucha toucha toucha touch me

 

Magenta: I want to be dirty.

 

Columbia: Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me,

 

Magenta: Creature of the night.

 

Janet: Oh, toucha toucha toucha touch me I want to be dirty

Thrill me, chill me, fulfil me, creature of the night.

 

Rocky: Creature of the night

Brad: Creature of the night?

Frank: Creature of the night.

Magenta: Creature of the night.

Riff Raff: Creature of the night.

Columbia: Creature of the night.

Rocky: Creature of the night!

Janet: Creature of the night.

 

Riff Raff: Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Merrrrrcy!

 

Frank: How did it happen? I understood you were to be watching!

 

Riff Raff: I was only away for a minute…master

 

Frank: Well, see if you can find him on the monitor.

 

Riff Raff: Master, master…we have a visitor.

 

Brad: Hey, Scotty! …Dr. Everett Scott.

 

Riff Raff: You know this earthling …person?

 

Brad: I most certainly do! He happens to be an old friend of mine.

 

Frank: I see. So this wasn’t simply a chance meeting. You came here with a purpose.

 

Brad: I told you, my car broke down. I was telling the truth.

 

Frank: I know what you told me…but this Dr. Everett Scott, his name is not unknown to me.

 

Brad: He was a science teacher at Denton High School.

 

Frank: And now he works for your government, doesn’t he, Brad? He’s attached to the bureau of

investigation of that which you call UFO’s! Isn’t that right, Brad?

 

Brad: He might be…I don’t know.

 

Riff Raff: The intruder is entering the building, master.

 

Frank: He’ll probably be… in the Zen room. Shall we inquire of him in person?

 

Brad: Great Scott!

 

Dr. Scott: Frank N Furter, we meet at last.

 

Brad: Dr. Scott!

 

Dr. Scott: Brad! What are you doing here?

Frank: Don’t play games, Dr. Scott. You know perfectly well what Brad Majors is doing here.

It was part of your plan, was it not? That he and his female should check the layout for

you. Well, unfortunately for you, all the plans are to be changed. I am adaptable, Dr.

Scott; I know Brad is.

 

Dr. Scott: I can assure you that Brad’s presence here comes as a complete surprise to me. I came

here to find Eddie.

 

Brad: Eddie! I’ve seen him!

 

Frank: Eddie! What do you know of Eddie, Dr. Scott?

 

Dr. Scott: I happen to know a great deal about a lot of things. You see Eddie happens to be my

nephew.

 

Brad: Dr. Scott.

 

Janet: Ah!

 

Dr. Scott: Janet!

 

Janet: Dr. Scott!

 

Brad: Janet!

 

Janet: Brad!

 

Frank: Rocky!

 

Dr. Scott: Janet!

 

Janet: Dr. Scott!

 

Brad: Janet!

 

Janet: Brad!

 

Frank: Rocky!

 

Dr. Scott: Janet!

 

Janet: Dr. Scott!

 

Brad: Janet!

 

Janet: Brad!

 

Frank: Rocky!

 

Frank: Listen…I made you…and I can break you just as easily.

 

Magenta: Master, dinner is prepared!

 

Frank: Excellent. Under the circumstances, formal dress is to be optional.

 

Narrator: Food has always played a vital role in Life’s rituals. The breaking of the bread, the last

meal of the condemned man, and now, this meal. However informal it might appear, you can

be sure that there was to be very little.. bon ami.

 

Frank: A toast… to absent friends…

 

All: To absent friends.

 

Frank: And Rocky. Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear Rocky…

Shall we?

 

Dr. Scott: We came here to discuss Eddie.

 

Columbia: Eddie?!

 

Frank: That’s a rather tender subject. Another slice anyone?

 

Columbia: Excuse me…

 

Dr. Scott: I knew he was in with a bad crowd, but it was worse than I imagined…Aliens!

 

Rocky: Ugh?!

 

Brad & Janet: Doctor Scott!

 

Frank: Go on, Dr. Scott. Or should I say Dr. Von Scott?

 

Brad: Just what exactly are you implying?

 

Dr. Scott: It’s all right!

 

Brad: But Dr. Scott!

 

Scott: That’s all right, Brad!!

 

 

EDDIE

 

From the day he was born

He was trouble.

He was the thorn

In his mother’s side.

She tried in vain…

 

Narrator: …but he never caused her nothing but shame.

 

Scott: He left home the day she died.

From the day she was gone

All he wanted

Was Rock ‘n’ Roll porn

And a motorbike.

Shooting up junk…

 

Narrator: He was a low down cheap little punk!

 

Scott: Taking everyone for a ride.

 

All: When Eddie said he didn’t like his Teddy

You knew he was a no-good kid.

But when he threatened your life with a switch-blade knife

 

Frank: What a guy!

 

Janet: Makes you cry.

 

Scott: Und I did.

 

Columbia: Everybody shoved him.

I very nearly loved him.

I said, hey, listen to me;

Stay sane inside insanity!

But he locked the door and threw away the key.

 

Scott: But he must have been drawn

Into something,

Making him warn

Me in a note that reads…

 

All: What’s it say? What’s it say?

 

Eddie’s voice: I’m out of my hed.

Oh, hurry, or I may be dead.

They mustn’t carry out their evil deeds.

 

All: When Eddie said he didn’t like his Teddy

You knew he was a no-good kid.

But when he threatened your life with a switch-blade knife

 

Frank: What a guy!

Janet: Makes you cry.

 

Scott: Und I did.

 

All: When Eddie said he didn’t like his Taut

You knew he was a no-good kid.

But when he threatened your life with a switch-blade knife

 

Frank: What a guy!

 

Janet: Makes you cry.

 

Scott: Und I did.

 

Frank: Rocky! How could you?

 

WISE UP

 

I’ll tell you once; I won’t tell you twice.

You’d better wise up, Janet Weiss.

Your apple pie don’t taste too nice.

You’d better wise up, Janet Weiss.

 

I’ve laid the seed; it should be all you need.

You’re as sensual as a pencil, wound up like an E or first string.

When we made it, didja hear a bell ring?

 

Ya gotta block? Well, take my advice.

You better wise up, Janet Weiss.

The transducer will seduce ya.

 

Janet: My feet! I can’t move my feet!

 

Scott: My wheels! My God, I can’t move my wheels!

 

Brad: It’s as if we’re glued to the spot!

 

Frank: You are! So quake with fear, you tiny fools!

 

Janet: We’re trapped!

 

Frank: It’s something you’ll get used to.

A mental mind fuck can be nice.

 

Scott: You won’t find Earth people quite the easy mark you imagine. This sonic transducer…it

is, I suppose, some kind of audio-vibrato-physio-molecular transport device?

 

Brad: You mean…

 

Scott: Yes, Brad, it’s something we ourselves have been working on for quite some time. But it

seems our friend here has found a means of perfecting it. A device which is capable of

breaking down solid matter and then projecting it through space and, who knows, perhaps

even time.. itself!

 

Janet: You mean he’s going to send us to another planet?

 

Frank: Planet, shmanet, Janet!

You better wise up, Janet Weiss.

You better wise up, build your thighs up,

You better wise up

 

Narrator: And then she cried out…

 

Janet: Stop!

 

Frank: Don’t get hot and flustered!

Use a bit of mustard.

 

Brad: You’re a hot dog, but you better not try to hurt her, Frank Furter.

 

Scott: You’re a hot dog, but you’d better not try to hurt her, Frank Furter.

 

Janet: You’re a hot dog –

 

Columbia: My God! I can’t stand any more of this! First you spurn me for Eddie, and then you throw

him off like an old overcoat for Rocky! You chew people up and then you spit them out

again…I loved you..do you hear me? I loved you! And what did it get me? Yeah, I’ll

tell you: a big nothing. You’re like a sponge. You take, take, take, and drain others of

their love and emotion. Yeah, well, I’ve had enough You’re gonna choose between me and

Rocky, so named because of the rocks in his head.

 

Frank: It’s not easy having a good time… even smiling makes my face ache… and my children

turn on me…Rocky’s behaving just the way that Eddie did. Do you think I made a

mistake, splitting his brain between the two of them?

 

Magenta: Ahhhh! I grow veary of this world! When shall we return to Transylvania, huh?

 

Frank: Magenta, I am indeed grateful to both you and your brother Riff Raff. You have both

served me well. Loyalty such as yours shall not go unrewarded. You will discover that

when the mood takes me, I can be quite generous.

 

Magenta: I ask for nothing…nothing.

 

Frank: And you shall receive it…in abundance! Come, we are ready for the floor show!

 

Narrator: And so, by some extraordinary co-incidence, fate, it seemed, had decided that Brad and

Janet should keep that appointment with their friend, Dr. Everett Scott. But it was to

be in a situation which none of them would have possibly foreseen. And, just a few hours

after announcing their engagement, Brad and Janet had both tasted forbidden fruit. This

in itself was proof that their host was a man of little morals…and some persuasion.

What further indignities were they to be subjected to? And what of the floor show that

is spoken of? In an empty house? In the middle of the night? What diabolical plan had

been shaped by Frank’s crazed imagination? What indeed? From what had gone before, it

was clear that this was to be no picnic.

 

 

ROSE TINT MY WORLD

 

 

A. FLOOR SHOW

 

 

Columbia: It was great when it all began.

I was a regular Frankie fan.

But it was over when he had the plan

To start a-working on a muscle man.

Now the only thing that gives me hope

Is my love of a certain dope.

Rose tints my world, keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.

 

Rocky: I’m just seven hours old,

And truly beautiful to behold.

And somebody should be told

My libido hasn’t been controlled.

Now the only thing I’ve come to trust

Is an orgasmic rush of lust.

Rose tints my world and keeps me safe from my trouble and pain.

 

Brad: It’s beyond me; help me Mommy!

I’ll be good; you’ll see.

Take this dream away.

What’s this? Let’s see,

I feel sexy!

What’s come over me?

Wo! Here it comes again.

 

Janet: I feel released; bad times decease.

My confidence has increased; reality is here.

The game has been disbanded; my mind has been expanded.

It’s a gas that Frankie’s landed!

His lust is so sincere.

 

 

B. FANFARE/DON’T DREAM IT

 

Frank: Whatever happened to Fay Wray?

That delicate, satin-draped frame?

As it clung to her thigh

How I started to cry

’cause I wanted to be dressed just the same.

 

Give yourself over to absolute pleasure.

Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh.

Erotic nightmares, beyond any measure

And sensual daydreams to treasure forever.

Can’t you just see it? Oh, oh, oh… oh!

 

Don’t dream it, be it.

 

All: Don’t dream it, be it.

 

Scott: Ach! We’ve got to get out of this trap before this decadence saps our wills. I’ve got

to be strong, and try to hang on, or else my mind may well snap, and my life will be

lived… for the thrills!

 

Brad: It’s beyond me; help me Mommy!

 

Janet: God bless Lilly St. Cyr.

 

 

 

C. WILD AND UNTAMED THING

 

Frank: My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my…my!

I’m a wild and an untamed thing.

I’m a bee with a deadly sting.

You get a hit and your mind goes ping.

Your heart’ll thump and your blood will sing.

So let the party and the sounds rock on.

We’re gonna shake it ’till the life has gone.

Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

 

All: We’re a wild and an untamed thing.

We’re bees with a deadly sting.

You get a hit and your mind goes ping.

Your heart’ll thump and your blood will sing.

So let the party and the sounds rock on.

We’re gonna shake it ’till the life has gone.

Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

 

We’re a wild and an untamed thing.

We’re bees with a deadly sting.

You get a hit and your mind goes ping.

Your heart’ll thump and your blood will sing.

So let the party and the sounds rock on.

We’re gonna shake it ’till the life has gone, gone, gone.

Rose tint my world, keep me safe from my trouble and pain.

 

Riff Raff: Frank N Furter, it’s all over.

Your mission is a failure;

Your lifestyle’s too extreme.

I’m your new commander;

You now are my prisoner.

We return to Transylvania.

Prepare the transit beam.

 

Frank: Wait! I can explain!

 

 

I’M GOING HOME

 

 

Frank: On the day I went away…

 

All: Goodbye…

 

Frank: Was all I had to say…

 

All: Now I…

 

Frank: I want to come again, and stay.

 

All: Oh, my, my…

 

Frank: Smile, and that will mean I may.

’cause I’ve seen, oh, blue skies

Through the tears in my eyes

And I realize, I’m going home.

 

All: I’m going home.

 

Frank: Everywhere it’s been the same…

 

All: …feeling…

 

Frank: …like I’m outside in the rain…

 

All: …wheeling…

 

Frank: …free to try and find a game…

 

All: …dealing…

 

Frank: …cards for sorrow, cards for pain.

’cause I’ve seen, oh, blue skies

Through the tears in my eyes

And I realize, I’m going home.

 

Frank & All: I’m going home.

 

Magenta: How sentimental.

 

Riff Raff: And also presumptuous of you. You see, when I said WE were to return to Transylvania,

I referred only to Magenta and myself. I’m sorry, however, if you found my words

misleading, but you see, you are to remain here, in spirit, anyway.

 

Scott: Great heavens! That’s a laser!

 

Riff Raff: Yes, Dr. Scott. A laser capable of emitting a beam of pure anti-matter.

 

Brad: You mean…you’re going to kill him? What’s his crime?

 

Scott: You saw what became of Eddie. Society must be protected.

 

Riff Raff: Exactly, Dr. Scott. And now, Frank N Furter, your time has come. Say goodbye to all of

this, and hello… to oblivion!

 

Brad: Good God!

 

Janet: Oh! You killed them!

 

Magenta: But I thought you liked them. They liked you.

 

iff Raff: They didn’t like me! He never liked ME!

 

Scott: You did right.

 

Riff Raff: A decision had to be made.

 

Scott: You’re O.K. by me.

 

Riff Raff: Dr. Scott, I’m sorry about your nephew.

 

Scott: Eddie? Yes, well, perhaps it was all for the best, heh, heh, heh.

 

Riff: You should leave now, Dr. Scott, while it is still possible. We are about to beam the

entire house to the planet Transsexual, in the galaxy of Transylvania. Go… Now! Our

noble mission is completed, my most beautiful sister, and soon we shall return to the

moon-drenched shores of our beloved planet.

 

Magenta: Ah, sweet Transsexual, land of night. To sing and dance once more to your dark refrain…

To take that – step, to the right…

 

Both: HAH!!

 

Riff Raff: But it’s the pelvic THRUST…

 

Transylvanians: That drives you insane!

 

Magenta: And our world…will do the Time Warp…again!

 

 

SUPER HEROES

 

Brad: I’ve done a lot; God knows I’ve tried

To find the truth. I’ve even lied.

But all I know is down inside I’m

 

All: Bleeding…

 

Janet: And super heroes come to the feast

To taste the flesh not yet deceased.

And all I know is still the beast is

 

All: Feeding…

Ahh, ahh…

 

Narrator: And crawling on the planet’s face

Some insects, called the human race…

Lost in time, and lost in space,

And meaning.

 

All: Meaning.

 

 

SCIENCE FICTION/DOUBLE FEATURE – REPRISE

 

 

Usherette: Science Fiction

Double Feature.

Frank has built and

Lost his creature.

Darkness has conquered

Brad and Janet.

The servants gone to

A distant planet.

Wo, oh, oh, oh.

At the late night, double feature,

Picture show.

I want to go, oh, oh, oh.

To the late night, double feature,

Picture show.

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